>life so sucks, I tell ya.
discussing sonshine's prospects for college....
he came home from work the other night (top salesperson at Finish Line! he's a hard worker, that kid, and I HATE HATE HATE it that he has to work his ass off. I had to, as well, working 40 hrs a week my sr. year, but damn it, I wanted things to be different for my kid. Not the life of Riley, but not having to scrounge for everything. FUCK EXPLOITERS!).
he's actually thinking about becoming a cop. Talk of joining the service is verboten -- and he gets loads of mail and phone calls because he scored really high on those tests.
a cop! the kid has always made fun of cops -- picked it up in films. the kid went through a harrowing experience with cops who broke into our home years ago! the kid lived in a neighborhood where the utter hypocrisy of the cops was obvious. he saw the racism, regularly.
a cop!
and then I sit here and think, "Well, fuck, it's stable work!"
I pray -- yes, these days I'm starting to see the comfort there'd be in believing in something like justice ruling the world -- that I can do better for my kid than this.
a cop!
I appeal to whatever I can appeal to to make sure this doesn't happen and, as I do I think, "Oh, great, if there's a god, it probably likes cop and will strike me down for hoping my kid doesn't go into law enforcement curriculum at the local community college.
and yet, what the hell did I do the last five years. yes, indeedy, I worked in information security. Now, there's some police work for the private sector. right? right. so, who am i to talk. let the kid become a cop. it's stable work. benefits. paid for transportation!
life's a bitch. the other option is offing myself and he gets social security benefits that ought to get him through a decent state college in NY, where his father lives. not really an option, but in my darker moments, it's almost inviting. I'm NOT serious, but it's the kind of abstract thinking that goes on when you a. don't get enough sleep and b. drink too much Peet's (thanks Joanna! :)
a cop. The kid wants to be a sizzlean!
kelley
"We live under the Confederacy. We're a podunk bunch of swaggering pious hicks."
--Bruce Sterling