Joanna, I don't understand where you get the idea that kinky sex means
"that
> something specific
> > needs to happen no matter what the mood or
> circumstance."
Everyone here who knows first hand says that that's not the way it works. Everything I've read or heard or otherwise learned about it says that it calls for innovation, creativity, variation. Maybe there are some people who have strongly ritualized fetishes that call for doing the same thing the same way no matter what. But the _only_ place where I have read about a case like this in a _lot_ of extensive reading is in Neal Stephenson's The Diamond Age, where there's a minor character (BDSM is not a big part of the book) who's like that, it's a few pages long. I think that most people, including kinky people, would find that sort of mechanical repetition very dull.
Btw, in my experience a lot of straight sex is mechanically repetitive in just this way and becomes very boring. I don't have to refer just to my own experience (and I am sure everyones' here); you can read Nancy Friday, or Daylma Heyn's The Erotic Silence of the American Wife (brilliant book), or Laura Kipnis' even more clever Against Love. In fact, it's my understanding that lots of people who don't think of themselves as kinky at all do BDSMish things a la Cosmo precisely to get some interesting variation into an otherwise dull vanilla routine sex life. (Not that vanilla sex _has_ to be that way, just it often is).
But just as I don't get why Charles keeps repeating his mantra that the sadism of the BDSM Master or Mistress is equivalent to the cruelty of Mengele or at least spousal abuse despite being told by tops and bottoms who should know that it ain't so, I don't get why you are stuck in this broken disc sort of way on an idea for which there is no support and a good deal of counter-evidence immediately available to you. Why don't you believe Brian or Chuck when they say that's not what they do? Why this mechanical repetition no matter what in the face of the evidence?
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