I can see how it would be annoying to hear your acquaintances chatter about their sex lives, worse; boast about them, especially if you didn't want to hear. That's not just kinky people though. You ought to have heard (not!) what I heard in the locker room at the gym today -- and hear pretty much every time I go, and these are neither teenagers nor (as far as one can gather) kinky people.
I am glad that this discussion has persuaded you that there can be creativity and dullness in all kinds of sex. But even with your comments about tops and bottoms, my understanding is that lots of people "switch," depending on how the spirit strikes them, and even those whose regularly adopt one role sometimes adopt other roles. My Domme friend says she likes bottoming and sometimes tells her sub to top her. (Unlike you I am very curious and ply my friends who will answer with impertinent questions.) I have read about people to are tops to some bottoms and bottoms to some tops at the same time (group sex or not). Brian has told me about relationships like that too. So it's not my understanding that anyone (who doesn't want to be) is "stuck" in one role.
I am still unsure what you mean by scripted, or maybe I am skeptical that any of our behavior isn't scripted in some sense -- that is is, guided by inculcated norms and expectations. "Script" is in fact the word used in cognitive psychology to describe a set of assumptions and expected behavioral patterns that everyone uses to conserve intellectual and other energy, as I am sure you know. People who conduct "experiments living" (J.S. Mill) against the prevailing scripts are really writing new scripts that they hope will be better and make people happier than the old ones. But maybe I wax too philosophical here.
--- joanna <123hop at comcast.net> wrote:
> andie nachgeborenen wrote:
>
> >
> >Joanna, I don't understand where you get the idea
> that
> >kinky sex means
> >
> >"that
> >
> >
> >>something specific
> >>
> >>
> >>>needs to happen no matter what the mood or
> >>>
> >>>
> >>circumstance."
> >>
> >>
> I grant that non-kinky sex can be extremely boring.
> But this whole
> thread started with someone asking why left-wingers
> might criticize bdsm
> and I said because it's scripted.
>
> Now I have read some very eloquent descriptions of
> bdsm which convince
> me that in some forms it can be creative and
> therapeutic, but tops do
> what tops do and bottoms do what bottoms do, and it
> sure sounds pretty
> scripted to me.
>
> I must also confess to a personal peeve with
> polyamorous and kinky
> aquaintances who go on and on and on and on about
> how naughty and free
> and daring they are, and it's so bloody boring, I
> want to scream.
>
> Joanna
>
> ___________________________________
>
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>
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