I love how my little story about a boy and his dream -- his dream of German expressionist film -- a story which happened to include a portable only because the portable was handy for travel and provided a pretty metaphor for flexible modernity, very quickly became a spirited debate over the sucktasticness of small screens.
At times like this, I remember that unfinished screenplay I started just five minutes ago; the one in which a mad scientist, weary of constant debate, creates a retrovirus that will forever alter humanity into a more docile and well oiled state.
DR. MORPHO (gesturing towards an ant colony on a lab table)
Observe these tiny creatures Detective. Each of them instinctively knows its place. They never doubt, never argue and yet, collectively, within their scope, accomplish great things. I consider this to be perfection.
DET. LATERN
Sure Doc, they're busy little buggers and get a lot done; I'll grant you that. But I'll take our 'imperfection' any day over the ant world's pint sized commie dictatorship. Can ants make the Sistine Chapel or create a Bill of Rights?
DR. MORPHO (laughing)
The Sistine Chapel? The Bill of Rights? Bah! For every Sistine Chapel there are countless uninspired hovels. And your precious Bill of Rights is but a weak restraint on humanity's savage impulses! Right now Detective people are arguing about small screen media players and whether or not blacks are super homophobes or just normal homophobes. Others are suggesting a move to California as a cure all for legitimate pissed-offedness. California Detective! Did anyone besides the writers of Mondo 2000 ever move to California to become calmer! Madness. There is only one solution to this symphony of confusion and horror: man must become more like the ant! Once I've released my virus to the winds, the process will begin!
[...]
Oh wait, the phone's ringing. Could it be Sony Pictures with an offer?
.d.